DREAM

There are so many things on my mind that I want to write about today. I really don’t know where to even begin. So, I’m just going to write and in the end, I’ll title this whatever feels right.

Growing up we were taught that you could be and do anything you want in life. The sky’s the limit. “Shoot for the moon, and if you miss, at least you’ll land amongst the stars”. We went to school. We made good grades, and we played tag on the playground. We read our AR books, some of us were placed in "special" classes because we were smart, and we were told every single day that we were special. We played recreational sports, and we were cheerleaders. We joined clubs and we made sure we stayed on green. Our report cards came and we showed off our list of "A's" and "B's" with pride to our parents. We were going places.

We dreamt of being doctors, astronauts, and some of us dreamt of being robots; but, we dreamt. Our imaginations soared. We were invincible. We knew that we would have it all. We would one day be the children who took our parent's place in life and ruled the world. We would be the next surgeons, the next presidents, and the next great athletes. NOTHING could stop us.

Then, you turn eighteen. You're cast out into the real world where you realize that you are not special. You're a speck of sand among a beach of billions of people, and even if you're in a little small town - you're less than nothing. It's like running full force into a brick wall of reality. Everything you were taught growing up just simply wasn't true. Sure, some of us will do great things. Some of us will be doctors, one of us may discover the cure to cancer, some of us will be lawyers, veterinarians, and politicians, but some of us won't. A lot of us won't, AND THAT'S OKAY.

By the time you're in your twenties, you may end up like me. You may be looking around you and realize that even though you've run into adulthood full speed ahead, you've been running in place this entire time. Your friends are married to the kids that you want so badly. Some of your friends have moved away. Some have their fancy degrees and they're doing everything right in life. They have their 50k - 100k jobs. They have their wealthy family members who helped them get a quick start in the world. Meanwhile, you're left to look at the empire of dirt you've spent the last 6 years building, and you realize, it isn't a whole lot, and it can easily be swept away.

What did high school really prepare us for in life? Anything? I know that the mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell. I know that an imaginary number exists in mathematics but I've never had to find it in real life. You've worked dead-end job after dead-end job and you've gotten absolutely nowhere. You dream now, but as an adult, you know those dreams are unreachable for most of us. They've become far fetched.

I guess what I'm saying is, my generation and the generations that are coming after I have been failed. We've been wrapped up in this safe little bubble that our teachers, our family, and every adult around us were too afraid to let pop. As we entered into adulthood and we stepped out of the bubble wrap for the first time, we realized all too quickly we would never have the safety of that bubble again. Everything you've worked for can be lost in an instant - like that small mound of dirt never meant anything. Truth be told, it doesn't.

So, what do we do? We can't dream. We don't have time to dream, and when we do those dreams are crushed by one word, "HOW?". How do I do the things I want in life? How can I travel the world? How can I create a family? How can I change my own path to something better? How do I get a job I actually enjoy?

Risk.

You jump. You stop running in place for a moment, and you take a look around. Is your dream worth chasing to you? One day when you're on your death bed, will you look back and feel fulfilled with what you did with this life? I came out as transgender, years ago, and it was the most terrifying leap I've ever taken. I didn't know who would still be standing there when the smoke cleared. I had no resources. I had no idea what I was doing. I just knew that one day, I wanted to be able to look back and know that I did right by myself. I wanted to know that I loved myself and embraced my authenticity. It hasn't been an easy ride, but I wouldn't change it for anything. I would NEVER take it back, and if you knew my story, you would know that it just means that my dream was worth it.

We are so quick to grow up and drop every passion and dream we've had in the means of adulthood. We jump right into renting and buying our houses and cars. We find someone and we settle down as quickly as possible, and we pop out a few gremlin children and we call it a good life. There's nothing wrong with that. It can be a good life, but for those of you who are feeling the pressure to do and be what everyone around you is, know that their "good life" doesn't have to be yours. You can be single your entire life and still be happy. You can never have kids and still be happy. You can stay in your small town, or travel the world and still be happy. You are not bound to the choices everyone makes around you or the expectations of what adulthood should be. There is no guide to living your life. You make that guide. You define what life is to you, and you can't be afraid to take risks in order to fulfill those dreams.

I want to move away from my small town. I want to live life, enjoy life, and be a part of life. I don't want to fall into the motions of this little town, and if you do that's fine. At one point and time, I thought I did, too. Now, I look around at this big world and know that there's so much more out there. There's so much culture I'm missing out on. So many people I have yet to meet. So many dreams that I can still chase because I am not a prisoner of this cycle. I don't know where I'm going. I don't have a plan yet, but I know that I can still be whoever I want to be, and do whatever I want to do.

If you're feeling lost, and you're looking for purpose, or even if you're just feeling rushed to have your shit together, listen closely. Take a step back. The average age of death is 79 in the United States. For me, that means I have about 55 years to get this thing called life right. I have 55 years left to chase my dreams. I have 55 years left to say, screw it, I AM special, and I CAN be anything I want. I don't know how yet, but I do know that if my heart desires it, really truly desires it then I can achieve it. It won't be easy. It may be the longest, hardest thing I've ever done, and I may go through heartbreak along the way, but I can get there. See, the thing is even if it takes you 20 years to buy a house, you still bought one. Even if it takes you 7 years to get a degree, you still got one. Even if you chase your dream and you never quite reach it, imagine where you may end up?

You can either chase your dreams or ignore them That choice is up to you; but, remember, you only get one life. You only get once chance to do this right. Why waste this life? Why fall into the motions and never break free of that bondage? Life is short. We could all die tomorrow. I could publish this blog, and die 10 minutes from now. At least I'll die knowing that I didn't let life take away my ability to dream.

“Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious. And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. It matters that you don't just give up.”

- Stephen Hawking